Most Overlooked Signs It’s Time to Part Ways With Your Partner
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” – and, indeed, it is when you’re foolishly, madly, borderline maniacally – in love. When we’re in love, parting, even for a mere second, becomes a slumberless black hole, threatening to swallow our entire sanity. Nihilistically speaking, we must embrace a universal truth: everything and everyone has an expiration date.
From divine rapture to “I can’t even look at you” the very vastness of our emotional apparatus is, in a word, intimidating. Love, the most powerful emotion in the universe, can, too, become susceptible to disintegrating. And it’s only natural. Supernovas explode as they reach maximum intrinsic luminosity, a billion times that of the Sun, leaves part with trees, and lovers’ intertwined fingers grow distant, unfamiliar, and cold. Are we capable of recognizing the signs? When do we wave the white flag? Here are the most overlooked signs it’s time to part ways with your partner.
Leaving is hard
We’ve all been there, fantasizing about leaving, ending things. “I’m done,” we say, “I’m packing my bags tomorrow morning.” But we never do. We stay. Why? Because of defeat. If we leave, we fail. A ton of bricks, thrown directly at our weary hearts. Instead, we reminisce about the good old days and think of all the reasons why we fell in love with our partner in the first place. So, what if the relationship is conflict-consumed? So, what if I feel lonely? Is it time to part
ways? Let’s find out.
“You’re So Needy”
We all have our “dark” sides and quirky, little ways of expressing affection. It comes with a package; idiosyncrasy is included. Mutual respect: guaranteed? More often than not, human “imperfections”, such as jealousy, and even insecurities, anger, and the like, suddenly get frowned upon by one of the partners. All the shared vulnerabilities are no longer considered cute, appealing, or approved. When this happens, we can’t help but take it as rejection. And we’re right.
If we can’t express our needs without feeling high-maintenance, unreasonable, theatrical, dramatic, or downright insane, that’s a sizzling red flag right there. “You’re being needy.” If we lose our ability to see that our needs deserve their attention, no matter how complex or intricate, we risk losing something far more valuable – our self-esteem. Furthermore, if you’re being forced to feel like you’re the “insane” one for having needs, it’s a definite sign of an unhealthy relationship.
“You Say It First”
No, not the dreaded “It’s over.” How about “I love you.” ? Hm? When was the last time you heard your partner say it (or vice versa)? Who initiates the three-letter limbo? If it’s always the same party, that’s another red flag. If we’re not feeling the love, they will know. You really don’t have to be a hyper-intuitive clairvoyant to sense the difference in their tone. If we’re not connected to a specific emotion (i.e., love), our vocal cords will fail to reproduce the original sentiment.
Without much (or any) eye contact, the monotony disparting their (or your) mouth will give it away. The end is near. “Fake it till you make it” is not the maxim we’re looking for. Humans are hardwired to detect patterns, shifts, and nuances; if the partner is no longer expressing their love with zeal, take a time out. Or, talk about it.
“Are You Going Out”
“Oh, so, you’re grabbing drinks after work?” – One of the most overlooked signs it is time to part ways with your partner. Healthy relationships are about mutual growth, respect, support, and, most importantly – nurturing autonomy. But how are things when you’re physically not together? Do the foundations of your love suddenly start to chip away? If we feel insecure (or even rejected) in the physical absence of our partner (or vice versa), we might be looking at an unhealthy relationship pattern. Intense feelings of insecurity (fatalism: they’re cheating on me, who knows what they’re doing right now, they don’t love me, they hate me, etc.) indicate an unhealthy attachment style.
Attachment Styles
Insecure attachment styles are considered behavioral disorders that affect one’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. (50% of the population) Types of insecure attachment styles include:
anxious-preoccupied
fearful-avoidant
dismissive-avoidant
If you or your partner struggle with an insecure attachment style, seek professional help. A romantic partner should not be responsible for healing someone’s childhood wounds; an insecure attachment style can present an insurmountable relationship obstacle. In fact, they are often the main culprit in breakups (individuals feel suffocated, overwhelmed, rejected, abandoned, etc.).
Future Tense
It will get better. Our favorite: conditional sentences – if only, then. You know what they say: hope dies last. We have faith. And it’s strong. They will change, and we will be patient. “We’ll stop arguing once we move in together. Just you wait.” – Notorious “If’s”. Do people really change? Is 180 possible? Are they going to commit this time? Be more affectionate and supportive?
What about intimacy? What about getting old together? Based on your present experience, is there hope? – Many conclude: no. They pack their bags, wave goodbye, get in their car, and change their address. Clean slate. Moving after a breakup may feel overwhelming at first, but if we keep a positive outlook, it’s really plain to see: moving during a difficult time can heal all the wounds. Focus on your goal and get some time for yourself so you can heal.
The More, The Merrier
This one speaks volumes; if your partner insists on inviting friends on your night outs, the message is anything but ambiguous – they crave relief and distance from their partner. While going out with friends here and there is healthy and normal, insisting on double dates (instead of romantic dinner plans) or group social outings are a definite telltale sign. Something is wrong.
And couples counseling is the first step to figuring things out.
Tell It Like It Is
These were some overlooked signs it is time to part ways with your partner. Remember that sugarcoating and self-deception always come at a price. We lose the one thing we cannot restore – our precious time. Losing the one we love may be agonizing, but isn’t the loss of self just as painful? Rip off the band-aid. And onward we go.
